Five technology pioneers had their luck run out and their money stash flushed down owing to reasons better left unknown. They have to put food on the table and pay their bills and mortgage. The job scenario in the United States is bleak and they shed a tear for the economy that helped them build their fortunes. How the mighty have fallen! The thing about entrepreneurs is that they never lose hope. They keep fighting. They will lie low for some time but will come back, with a bang.
This story is about the chosen five who embarked upon a journey to self-righteousness and self-discovery. The sheer probability of each of them going bust at the same time and meeting at a bar at just the right moment would make you believe in time being the sole judge and controller of all things human.
They meet, drink and eat. They crib and do not fall short of using the choicest of cuss-words while trying to reminisce the good old times. But they are entrepreneurs and they will not go down, not even with a fighting chance. They must resurrect themselves and redeem their honour. And hence, the chose eight decide, that they would fly down to India and work hard at the numerous IT companies that have made India the hub of technology ‘development’.
Three Months Hence
They meet, drink and eat. They crib. They just cannot believe what hit them. Here’s what happened – they all got rejected!
HR Sheet #1
Candidate’s Name: Steve Jobs
Previous Employer: Apple
Job Title at Previous Employer: CEO
Reason for Leaving Job: Not stated
Highest Qualification: High School
Selected for the Position: No
Comments from Recruiter:
The candidate is not even a graduate. Although his responses to questions were coherent, the technical expert who interviewed him, mentioned that no proper responses were provided for technical questions. The candidate refrained from writing out any lines of code on paper, as was asked. We see attitude related issues and also think that he is faking it. Besides, he is not even a graduate and our hiring policy states that the candidate should at least be a graduate.
HR Sheet #2
Candidate’s Name: Bill Gates
Previous Employer: Microsoft
Job Title at Previous Employer: Technology Advisor
Reason for Leaving Job: Not stated
Highest Qualification: High School
Selected for the Position: No
Comments from Recruiter:
The candidate is not even a graduate. He appeared to be more focused on solving world’s problems than the technical questions put forth to him. He chided the technical expert by saying that the questions were useless and that a developer who wrote code would never stoop to the level of code mentioned in the questions. Besides, he is not even a graduate and our hiring policy states that the candidate should at least be a graduate.
HR Sheet #3
Candidate’s Name: Jack Dorsey
Previous Employer: Twitter
Job Title at Previous Employer: Co-founder
Reason for Leaving Job: Not stated
Highest Qualification: High School
Selected for the Position: No
Comments from Recruiter:
The candidate is not even a graduate. He kept talking about the power of mobile enabled payments, of social media and algorithms. Although a fresh change from the two earlier candidates, mobility, seriously! Even I am on Twitter and know more about Twitter than he does. He does not fit the role as his technical expertise is not in-depth in the field and his responses appeared superfluous and not-grounded. Besides, he is not even a graduate and our hiring policy states that the candidate should at least be a graduate.
HR Sheet #4
Candidate’s Name: Mark Zuckerberg
Previous Employer: Facebook
Job Title at Previous Employer: CEO
Reason for Leaving Job: Not stated
Highest Qualification: High School
Selected for the Position: No
Comments from Recruiter:
The candidate is not even a graduate. These candidates are unbelievable! This candidate, for instance, tried to show that he knows more about technology than out technology architect. His responses to questions were complex and not precise, according to the technology architect. On a question about basic network algorithms, he started talking about something that does not even exist! Besides, he is not even a graduate and our hiring policy states that the candidate should at least be a graduate.
HR Sheet #5
Candidate’s Name: Larry Ellison
Previous Employer: Oracle
Job Title at Previous Employer: CEO
Reason for Leaving Job: Not stated
Highest Qualification: High School
Selected for the Position: No
Comments from Recruiter:
The candidate is not even a graduate. Interviewing for a database analyst, the candidate did not show any skills that would enhance the process at the project. He refrained from responding to questions on SQL queries by saying that the questions are a waste of time. When asked to demonstrate any key achievements, he mentioned about boating! I can boat, at the lake! Besides, he is not even a graduate and our hiring policy states that the candidate should at least be a graduate.
Pardon the Upworthy-like title.
Image credits: www.wikipedia.org