ISI HQ, Rawalpindi: In the follow-up to the NATO strike on a Pakistani outpost, Pakistan’s civilian government has been ‘arm-twisting’ the Western forces (those evil beings) into they don’t know what. A public apology was not enough so they might be back to their gold-digging means of yore. Pakistani Premier Geelani is reported to have cancelled all the international conferences that he and his buddies had to participate in. When a close associate enquired with a subtle ‘Sirji, all?’, Geelani is said to have replied in affirmative. This sudden change in plans has reportedly ruffled many a feathers in the international ‘community’.
Leave aside the Western forces (those evil beings), Geelani apparently cancelled Mr Pasha’s conference with the Axis of Good a.k.a. the Conference of Using Terror as a State Policy as well. This development, we are told, has not only angered Mr Pasha (the most humane of all) but also the Qaida Chief (name withheld due to security reasons) and other Poker pals.
Our sources have informed that the ‘strong’ civilian government would leave no stone unturned to ensure that they thrust a global boycott upon themselves. The inside dope is that the country has been at the receiving end of boycotts and it is time for redemption. It is a matter worthy of a debate how this doesn’t put them on the receiving end, again, but debates are for Indian television channels and not for the common man (is that what they call them there too?) on a Lahore or Rawalpindi street. The man on the street wants retaliation and there is no better retaliation than a self-imposed boycott.
In the entire melee that followed the unfortunate strike, General Musharraf suddenly woke up tired from weeks of partying on his yacht in Monaco and released a statement about the infidels and the lack of leadership in his beloved country. He later retracted the word infidels in an attempt to, that our staff correspondent attributed, not annoying his hosts.
The ISI is learnt to have already sent a memo to Sarah Palin, urging her to garner support in the world South of Alaska, against the strong civilian government. As we go to press on this, we have reports coming in about the memo being leaked to a leading faking website in India. We cannot confirm the name of the website but you should be intelligent enough to figure it out.
Signing off from Mr Pasha’s office for now; it’s time for an assessment of troop deployment in Jammu and Kashmir, Afghanistan and some more not-so-classified locations. We will be back with more information on this issue as we see the boycott reach Pakistani streets and bear witness to numerous demonstrations deploring countries of the demonstrators’ choice.